Another day at the gym

I don't want to get old. Not because of the aging process, the baldness, the fatness, or the wheezing; but because apparently we men get LAME when we get old. Case and point, the guys at my gym.
I used to work out every morning before I went to work. Then it was every other morning. Then two mornings a week. Then never at all. I called it a hiatus, I felt like I was plateauing and needed to rest. That, and I couldn't stand the old men at my gym.
Bless their hearts for trying, but I guess they get all of that out before I get there. There's five of them that all hang out, all led one D-bag I call "Mid-life-crisis-man"....MLCM for short. He was probably a respectable man at one time, then he got old and is trying to over compensate.
All five of them stand in a circle...all morning...and that's it. No squat thrusts or curls, just standing. Then they see the girl. I'm not gonna lie, she's pretty good looking for being like 90. (she's about a 4 now, but I bet she was HOT in the 1940's!) But I swear to God it's like they've reverted back to the 8th grade! She comes in, and they all stand around her talking while she works out. She hit's the machines pretty hard, but it doesn't phase them, especially MLCM. Long after his buddies (Hairy, Sweaty, Stinky, and Fatty) all hit the showers (Together? GROSS!) He's still there by the girl, just chatting away.
Granted, I've done about 7 lifts in the time this took, so it's been a while. I just watch them and bite my tongue so as not to laugh out loud. I mean this guy is like a puppy! He will Not Leave!
I find it very funny, but my work out is over and I need to go change. So I walk into the locker room where there they all are....and there's the old one I call Hairy, naked with one foot on the counter using the blow dryer in a way it is not intended. At that point I decided I was out, so I headed home and took a shower there.

Lame

Maybe I am an A-HOLE

Today was one of those once in a blue moon in a la nina in a leap year in a super delegate weekend kind of days that make you want to collapse when you get home. The dealership I work in is rather small, there are 8 of us in the showroom filling the various parts, sales, service, and cashiering roles. Today 4 of us were out sick. Maybe the flu, maybe ebola, maybe they all got drunk and made out, passing it around and knocking them all out...we shall never know. But this left me working in every department, on the busiest day of the month. Needless to say I was a bit stressed and busy.
Around mid day, I was helping 2 people at my counter and another on the phone, when this scraggely looking guy with a backpack came in asking if I was the "detailing manager." So I tried to remain calm and I introduced myself, letting him know that I was in charge of the service department, and yes, that detailing was one of the services I provide.
From there it was on! The backpack flew open and out came the "SHOW TIME"
miracle cleaner! I wasn't too impressed, so I asked him "what does it do?" still trying to be cordial and polite.
"Well let me show you what it does!" he sais and then he disappears behind the counter. I poke my head around to see him scrubbing the floors with his cleaner and rag.
"Do you see what it did to that grease stain? It's gone!" He cried proudly.
"That's amazing!" I exclaimed, "Can it clean through an old oil stain?"
"Yes it can, follow me!" and with that he was on a hunt for the biggest spot we had.
Here's a little back story on my show room.....it's a mess. We took over the dealership last may from a fat guy who took no pride in what his business looked like, full of lazy employees who don't know how to use a vacuum cleaner. The carpet is maybe 30 years old, torn in spots, and I honestly couldn't tell you what the original color is because it's now a uniform grey With TONS of oil spots.
So I decided to see how much of my carpet the guy would be willing to clean to make the sale. And he cleaned about half. He asked if I had seen enough, but I wanted to know if it would damage paint, so I took him outside (because our outer walls are dirty too). After cleaning a few stains on the wall, again he asked if I'd seen enough. But I had not.
"Will it clean the streaks off my windows?" I asked, pointing to our big wall of windows.
"Sure does," he said with noticeably less zeal.
And sure enough he cleaned most of our windows. So I started to take a look at the pricing sheet he gave me, humoring him a little. But I really didn't want any, so I told him thanks but no thanks.
"Is it the price?" He asked me (this shit cost $50 a quart! Lame!)
"No, I just have no interest in your cleaner. Since you saw that I was busy helping 3 customers and still decided to interupt my day, I decided to get some work out of you so you weren't a total waste of time.... Thank you for washing my floor."
And with that I walked away. Does that make me an A hole?


Maybe

I know you hear me!

Pet peeves. We all have them, and this has got to be in my top 3 .
Don't you just hate it when you go to call one of your friends, and as you're hearing the ringing on their end, you hear the beep that lets you know they're on the other line? Normally they'll pick up after 3 rings or so and let you know they're in the middle of a call and offer to call you back. Most phones now pop up caller id on these calls, so they'll know it's you...but still not answer.
It makes me sooooo mad sometimes. I'm just sitting there, hearing the beeping, and slowly feeling the anger rise. "You know it's me, it says so on your phone!" Then after no answer I get all pissed and usually ignore them when they call back. That's just the 5 year old in me I guess.
Most things I let roll off my back, but this one I just can't.

Come On!

Dammit! I had it too!

All day long I had the absolute PERFECT topic for this blog. I was planning it out, biding my time at work (can't blog at work, gotta be good) until I could get home and share it and be praised for how clever I am.
Get here, sit down.......and forgot it all.


so close...

Prohibition's Over!

For those of you that didn't get the memo, last Friday marked the 75th anniversary of prohibition ending. Did you all go have a drink Friday night? I had a beer with my dinner, and that's about it. But Saturday we really kicked off the prohibition anniversary with a bang.
A group of my friends, my girlfriend, and I all went out to Edgefield to do a little wine tasting and other related activities. For those of you who've never been to edgefield, you should definitely make a trip. There are 26 bars spread out over the complex. It's a hotel on the outside, but there are plenty of things on the inside to keep you going to the wee hours of the morning.
So we started with the wine tasting. It cost a wopping $5 and got me 8 glasses of wine. I did the whole song and dance of smelling the wine, swirling it in the glass, and putting on my best snob face as I tried to describe the taste and palette, but did I spit it out into the jar like everyone else? Hell no! Why else would I be doing it other than to get hammered?
From there it was on to the "Power House" which is more of a restaurant. I got some fries and the LIBERATOR, which is a beer so dark, that light itself cannot escape it's surface. We're talking BLACK beer....and it's delicious.
From there it was on to the pool hall for more liberators and some billiards and shuffle board. The only problem is that I really really suck at pool, so I played shuffle board instead. As I'm doing this, my girlfriend and a friend of hers are at the bar trying to score free drinks. The only problem is the guy they were working for drinks had conveniently forgot his ID and couldn't buy them any booze. But, he did work for the one girl's father, and was a total creep so they left him there.
I wandered out to the bathroom, and on my way back in saw said creepy loser back at the shuffle board table and he was pouring the salt off the shuffle board table onto my girlfriend's head.
I wasn't looking for a fight, honestly, it's just not who I am. But I guess he was. All it took was me to ask why he was doing that for him to pull out the "You wanna take this outside?!"
My girlfriend got in between us and told me to drop it, so I did, but the loser creep did not. He kept talking smack as my buddy Josh is in my other ear telling me to "keep him going and make him throw down, I wanna blind side this A-hole!"
Needless to say I was in a pickle. His friends started to pull him away but he kept yelling "You got lucky, you got lucky". Then he called my girlfriend a Bitch and came at me. So I pushed him. I'm not a really big guy, so I guess it surprised him because he flew at least 10 feet into another table. Then Josh was on him, getting in his face daring him to make a move. Now, my buddy Josh is about 6'2" and 240 pounds. He's an intimidating guy to say the least, and it made the creepy loser leave.
So to celebrate my victory, we all went to Old Chicago to celebrate our victory. I had a couple shots, got way way way to drunk, and I honestly think I'm still a little hung over today.
It was fun to say the least, and it wouldn't have been possible without prohibition ending. So go out and get a little sloppy, just make sure you all tip your glasses to those people 75 years ago who made this all possible.
And be sure you all post your favorite DRINKING STORY!!!

What a Day

I train dogs. I like it. To keep my edge, I volunteer at the local animal shelter here in town Thursday mornings. So I woke up at 5:30 to get there by 6 to walk the dogs, only I was greeted at the door with "Oh I guess you didn't get the e-mail, one of the dogs has parvo so they're all under quarantine. No walks today."
Awesome. Good to know now that AFTER I woke up 2 hours early to get here. So I figured I'd go to the gym. That usually gets me going and wakes me up.
I went home and got my stuff out of my room, thinking I had everything I needed for the day. After finding my parking spot (yes, it's mine) I went to the locker room and began to pull out my gear. Shoes...Check. I POD.....Check. Deodorant cologne razor hair gel and clean undies.....Check. Towel.... ......... um....... DAMMIT! Forgot to grab one.
I imagine there are worse things in this world than having to dry oneself in the gym shower room with a wash cloth, but I just really don't like it! It's just a horrible combination of that naked walk of shame to the shower with my undies and a wash cloth in hand, knowing the old guys in the sauna are laughing at me, and the fact this was the 3rd or 4th time I've done this in the last 2 months. Freaking Weak.
So I went to call my girlfriend and wish her a good morning, only to realize I forgot my phone at home. After I realized this I actually reached for my phone to call her and tell her not to call me because I forgot it.... needless to say I felt dumb.
The High Point:
Birds flew into my store! I heard it smack the big window and ran over to grab the pigeon, or rather what I thought was a pigeon. It turned out to be a effing FALCON. Never seen one up close before, but it's talons were sharp, it looked really pissed, and I really didn't feel like touching it. So I got my buddy Tim to do it.
I got home looking forward to relaxing with a cold beer, only to find out that my dogs escaped the yard and were out causing CHAOS for the better part of the afternoon. So I had to go do damage control with the neighbors and finally got home at 7:20.
So now I'm finally sitting here with my beer and have VENTED IT ALL!

Thanks for reading.

don't F with the system

We men really are creatures of habit, not because it's a cliche but because I'm a dude and therefore I know. I'll tell you how I know.
If I'm not going to the gym in the morning, I wake up around 7:20, hit snooze once, go take a shower ( where I shave and brush my teeth), get dressed and fix my hair. I'm usually out by about 7:50, then I go eat breakfast and make my lunch. Everyday that's how it goes. Every day.
This morning I get out of bed to hear my brother jumping in the shower, where he stayed for 20 minutes. This threw off my whole morning! I ate too early and was a little tired by the time I rolled into the shower at 7:50.
You wouldn't think this would be a problem, but my timing was all off and I ended up falling asleep in the shower....which is embarrassing.
I made it to work on time, but I was just off all day. Couldn't remember anyone's names, walked half way across the showroom only to forget why I was going over there. Just wasn't my day.
Ever have days like that? What's your routine that gets you through?

Tell me about it!